TOO FUNNY 4 TEARS
When Nemanja Vidic does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
The chief export of Nemanja Vidic is Pain.
If you beat a team containing Nemanja Vidic in Pro Evo it will cause your PS2 to blow up.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Nemanja Vidic could use to kill you – including the room itself.
Nemanja Vidic once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Nemanja Vidic, each testicle is larger than the other one.
Nemanja Vidic grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Nemanja Vidic once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. It made him blink.
Nemanja Vidic played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Nemanja Vidic puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”.
Nemanja Vidic hates The Beatles; two to go.
Nemanja Vidic crossed the road. Nobody has ever dared question his motives.
Nemanja Vidic died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell him.
Nemaja Vidic once woke up in a foul mood. The result was the Yugoslav wars.
Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Vidic once killed four birds with half a stone.
What’s that? You say there’s no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn’t think so either
Fergie didn’t drop Darren Fletcher, Nemanja Vidic dropped Darren Fletcher.
Nemanja Vidic doesn’t mark players, he permanently stamps them.
Nemanja Vidic once turned up for training late – Fergie fined the rest of the team for being early.
Nemanja Vidic doesn’t head the ball away, the ball heads the other way.
Nemanja Vidic can slam revolving doors. The ‘big bang’ was a Nemanja Vidic tackle.
Nemanja Vidic and Superman once arm-wrestled. The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his trousers.
Nemanja Vidic once visited the Virgin Islands . They are now The Islands.
The Black Eyed Peas were just The Peas until Nemanja Vidic heard their music.
There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who never met Nemanja Vidic.
The truth may hurt, but it doesn’t hurt as much as Nemanja Vidic.
Nemanja Vidic’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Nemanja Vidic, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
Elton John oce met Nemanja Vidic, he is now gay
if you have £5 and Vidic has £5, Nemanja Vidic has more money than you
Nemanja Vidic sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn’t Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct him and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus’ birthday.
Nemanja Vidic once kicked a baby elephant into puberty
If Nemanja Vidic is late, time slows down
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Nemanja Vidic!
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Nemanja Vidic has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Nmenaja Vidic
Kids can write their name in snow, Nemanja Vidic can write his name in concrete
Nemanja Vidic has counted to infinity….twice.
Nemanja Vidic lost his virginity before his father did